CrazyCornDude

Dear Player, it might surprise you to learn that yours truly is composed of eight hundred and sixteen polygons. Given that the garden-variety glute only contains THREE hundred and eighteen polygons, you can PLAINLY see why I'm on the cutting edge of 3D technology. Please note that I'm also endowed with twenty deformation bones and sixteen animations, resulting in a kind of flexibility that comes in handy during combat and in more intimate situations. My friends Lara, Snake, Mario, Freeman, or Jak may be jealous of my heavenly body, but my brain is nothing to sneeze at! My neuro network consists of nine hundred intricately intertwined code lines and twenty-one behavior patterns. So, if you still believe that Rayman is more sophisticated than me, answer the following question: How many times has Rayman lost since the start of the game? Hm? Hmm? More than me, that's for sure, given that I have never known defeat! Need I say more?

We find pompous huntress Judy DeLoughery tiptoeing through the forest. She shushes the camera, saying, “Be as quiet as you can, for I am hunting for a mink.” She continues through the catacombs for a bit until she sees footprints. “I say!” Judy exclaims. “Unless my eyes deceive me, that is indeed the trail of the common Neovison vison!” She follows the path to the large, hollowed-out log housing Minerva Mink. Judy gives out a hearty noblewoman’s laugh and says, “I have you now, my little accessory!” She sets up a trap on the doorstep, baiting Minerva with a mixture of smelt paste and peanut butter. “No mink can resist a mixture of smelt paste and peanut butter!” She says before knocking on the door and running behind a nearby tree. Minerva answers the door, sees the trap, and uses a big, long branch to scoop up the bait and bring it into her home. Judy is outraged, and tries to figure out what the heck just happened. She tries shoving the trap in through an open window, only to end up playing tug-of-war with an offscreen Minerva from inside, who completely mangles the trap to the point where the bars are frayed and whatnot. Judy is of course bewildered by this, uttering, “Oh, that meddling mustelid!” And tries to get in through the front door, only to find that it won’t budge. The camera shows the other side of Minerva’s home, from which the crafty mink walks out through the back door, then climbs up stealthily to the front, where she sees Judy struggling. She taps her shoulder to get her attention, and swishing her tail coyly, says, “What’s the story, scout?” Judy shushes Minerva and says, “There’s a mink in there, and I am attempting to capture her so I can effortlessly flaunt just how classy I am!” Minerva pretends to be curious, inquiring, “A mink, eh? Do tell.” Judy obliges. “You are aware; they have those sleek, slender bodies.” “Oh, like this?” Minerva gestures her hands down herself. “Yes! And a long, furry tail.” “Like this, right?” Minerva lashes her tail around in the air. “That’s also correct. And they slink around.” “Like this?” Minerva gets on all fours and slinks around and around. Judy is amazed at how accurately Minerva is portraying her descriptions. Close-up on Minerva’s face as she smugly chuckles and smirks at the camera, quietly remarking, “Wait till I tell her.” Judy suddenly realizes (at least somewhat) what’s going on here, grabs Minerva by the tail, and says, “Now, just a minute! Judging by my own description, you look exactly like a mink!” Minerva swings her body in a way she can reach Judy’s shoulder to whisper in her ear, and says quietly, “Well…I don’t mean to let my secret out, but…the truth is…” Minerva takes a deep breath, looks like she’s ready to whisper in Judy’s ear, but then suddenly yells, “I AM A MINK!!!!” This causes Judy to go flying offscreen after releasing her grip on Minerva, who sashays away, quipping to the camera, “What, were you expecting a heartthrob pushover?” Fade to Minerva walking up to another spot in the forest and lying down to rest there. Judy sneaks up, holding an axe, only to realize Minerva has fled and left a decoy of herself made of dynamite. After the explosion, we see Judy, covered in soot, glaring at the camera as she declares, “I’ve had enough of this! That mink is going down!” We then see Minerva having a wander, possibly doing some wacky things with her tail, when she suddenly bumps into Judy, who really seems steamed this time around. “Enough is enough, mink! This time, you are mine! I, Judy DeLoughery, WILL have you hanging in my wardrobe! Now get in the trap!” Minerva stares at Judy for a second, then gives a mischievous look at the camera. She starts rambling and fooling around with the trap until Judy gets fed up and gives a visual demonstration. “You just get in! Like THIS!” Judy ends up caught as the door shuts behind her. Minerva says, “Pathetic, isn’t she?” before walking off and complimenting herself. “Minerva, you sly girl. I don’t know how you do it, but you do it well.” Close-up on Judy, who, dazed, says, “Minks…worthy adversaries they are…" before passing out. The screen irises out on her unconscious face.